- So much for daily posts...
- January 30th, 2010
Yeah...umm...complicatedness. I really think that my life and this man collectively, will kill me. I think I'm actually starting to die. I just keep getting closer and closer. haha. I dont even remember what or when I wrote last...but here is (briefly) whats going down. I believe I wrote about how he called to talk after two days to tell me about the job thingy....and how he told me to call in a week. Well, screw that...he IMs me the next day or two days later or something...and says he misses me and he doesnt want me to wait a week to call. He goes on about a dream he had and how he thinks of me all the time. Now, I guess I was a little caught off guard by this...its not exactly easy to just go running back to someone who has put you though all that he just had. So I didn't say anything in IM and I just planned on giving him a call the next day to see what was up. So with a mind full of wonder and confusion, I set out for the day to run errands and go to work. Well, on my way to work...someone runs a red light and I smash my car into theirs...woo hoo for my first accident! so as I crawl out of my wrecked car...I grab my cell phone and I realize there is no way I'm waiting til the next day to call him. I called the police, my mom, then him. I suppose our agreement was to call if something happens...and this sure was something. So he rushes over...and takes over as is his specialty. He helps me out, takes my with my car and my stuff to the collision shop and helps me make sure I make all the right phone calls and then drives me to get my moms car to go to work. Long story short, he's been helping me with the car stuff and we've been hanging out and talking all the time again. I dunno whats going on...it feels like a tornado has picked me up and I being carried away somewhere...part of me is like "yay!" and part of me is like "WTF?!" and I'm like scared and happy and then sad and then like confused...its just crazy. I have to confess, however, that I'm attempting to take this opportunity as a second chance...the one he at first refused to give me. I don't even know if I have a chance even at a long shot....but the way I see it is that if he really missed me like he said he did, then there must be something still there and every time I see him or hear from him is another sign that something could still be there because he has no reason to stick around unless he wants to. So if this means that he wants to stick around, it means that I still have maybe even the slightest chance...and I'll take it. No sense in wasting time if you have nothing to lose that you havent lost before, right? Does that make sense? I dunno if it does to other people...it does to me. I dont know whats going to happen...and I dont know why I feel like such a silly little girl....but at least I know I can try to make things better?